faith, wisdom

Examine Me and Know My Heart

A couple of days ago, I was curled up in my husband’s recliner with the comfort of my weighted blanket hugging me. (Oh yeah, weighted blankets are amazing!) Scrolling through Instagram, I lost focus when thoughts of a nap began to slip in. I don’t take naps often, but when it’s there for the taking, I’m all in! But in an instance, I was pulled out of my sleepy thoughts and stopped my scroll with this quote from @bethmoorequotes.

Wait… what?

At first glance, there’s not much that makes sense with this quote, but as I stared at this picture, my brain went into overdrive and all thoughts of a nap vanished with a dose of what could be hard truth.

Wanting to know what other people thought, I clicked on the comments to find a bunch of Amens and Yeses. But honestly, I felt pulled in two different directions with these words.

You can’t really have sincere and pure devotion to Christ and still be completely seduced by the devil… can you?

To have a sincere and pure devotion to Christ, don’t you need to know Him? Knowing Him is getting into the Word. Building a relationship through prayer and trust. I know Him. I have a relationship with Him. I trust Him.

But on the other hand… can’t we think we are ok in our relationship with Him and not really be ok? Sure, the church is full of people who think they are ok. But do they really show the fruit of being ok? Do I?

This rattled me enough that I looked up the meaning of seduce. “To attract (someone) to a belief or into a course of action that is inadvisable or foolhardy.”

To attract… sounds pretty benign. Ok, what am I attracted to? Am I attracted to the things God wants or what I want?

Then another question came. When is the last time I said, “God, examine me and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any bad thing in me. Lead me on the road to everlasting life.”

Psalms 139:23-24 NCV

Honestly, it’s probably been a while. Because, I’m ok, right? I’m in the word, journaling, and praying daily. I’m trusting God in the process… or at least I think I’m trusting the process.

But am I really? Or am I just saying I am?

What are my recurring questions with the latest issue going on in my life?

God, what’s going on here? What are you doing? Why won’t you tell me which way to go? Why am I going through this? Where are Your promises? Where are Your blessings?

Does that sound like someone who trust God in the process?

No, it does not.

***Side note: questions are ok—good even, but when they get stuck on repeat that is where a problem slips in.

Am I being seduced by the enemy? Is he attracting me with the things I want to happen? And because I really don’t like the answers (or lack of answers) I’m getting from God, am I playing into the devil’s seduction?

Can you be seduced and not even know it’s happening?

Well, yeah. Isn’t that how seduction works? The first step: Enticing a person with something they want. They become so focused on it they will most likely forget the bigger picture.

The truth is we are all sinners (Romans 3:23), whether or not we are sincerely devoted to Jesus. Being a sinner won’t change until the day we step into heaven. We will always have something that trips us up. The enemy knows exactly what that is, and he will use it every time.

Am I too prideful to believe that because I am sincerely and purely devoted to Christ that the enemy won’t or can’t seduce me?

Ouch! Now that’s a hard question, but one that needs to be asked.

Here’s the thing, once seduction is recognized and we continue to focus on the attraction to the things we want, not what God wants, it’s no longer seduction… but a choice. A choice we make.

With this quote, I ended up with more questions than answers. But it did change my recurring questions from less-me-centered to more God-centered questions. And that can and will change my heart to be a little more like Christ. And isn’t that the goal?

When is the last time you said, “God, examine me and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any bad thing in me. Lead me on the road to everlasting life.”?

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