anxiety, faith, fear, forgiveness

I Am Shaken But My Foundation Is Not

The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. Matthew 7:25

I received some unexpected news today. No, let me take that back, it wasn’t unexpected news, because I knew, at some point, this news would come. It was more unexpected timing. No matter how much I have tried to prepare my heart for this news, I was still shaken by it.

I am still shaken by it. 

You see, five years ago my sister was murdered, and today we got the call that the trial was set to move forward in a couple of months, on one of the two dates they had requested. Of course, there is a possibility this will change—we have learned nothing seems to be set in stone with the justice system as far as scheduling.

As much as I want to see justice for her, this news is packed with fear. How can we trudge through that excruciating time all over again? Memories brought forward. Testimonies spoken. Arguments given. Photos shown. All so the jury can make their decision. 

And my biggest fear: Will my faith be strong enough to cling to Jesus through this? I have failed before. Will I fail again? 

What if she doesn’t get the justice she deserves? Will I trust God if He says to me “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay”? Will I be ok if His vengeance looks different than what I would like it to look like?

I have forgiven the man who murdered her. And short of salvation, this has undoubtedly been the most supernatural work God has ever done in me. Without His grace, I would have never been able to walk out this type of forgiveness. But if things go unexpected in the trial and it doesn’t end the way I want, will I still offer that forgiveness? 

I desperately want to. I know the insurmountable freedom it has given me. I know deep in my heart my healing started the moment I decided to forgive this man. But will I be strong enough to continue?

I am shaken.

Like the scripture above, it was like the rain came down again, the flood waters rose over my head, and the wind blew with terrifying force, beating against me. Threatening to destroy everything God has done over this past year. 

“… yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.”

For me to not fall or fail, I must remember my Foundation on the rock. My Foundation is stronger than any raging storm. I will not be destroyed because my Foundation holds me in place.

Yes, I may be shaken, but my Foundation is not. 

My Foundation is my Peace, my Strength, my Defender, my Commander, and my Father. He is God Almighty. Ruler of all. Jehovah Rapha (the Lord who heals you).

I will have to take one day at a time. I cannot focus on the future outcome, but I can focus on my Foundation.

So when the wind blows, ripping pieces of my heart like shingles from the roof, when the waters rise, threatening to pull me under, I will cling to my unmovable Foundation.

anxiety, faith, fear

Where Does My Help Come From?

“The servant of the man of God got up early and went out, and behold, there was an army with horses and chariots encircling the city. Elisha’s servant said to him, “Oh no, my master! What are we to do?” Elisha answered, “Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” Then Elisha prayed and said, “LORD, please, open his eyes that he may see.” And the LORD opened the servants eyes and he saw; and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire surrounding Elisha.”2 KINGS 6:15-17 AMP

I woke up this morning with a knot burning in my stomach. My heart constricted tighter with each beat, vibrating off my chest. My breath came out in fast spurts, and my mind immediately went to everything that could go wrong. That has gone wrong. Fear sank it’s nasty claws into my insides threatening to rip them to pieces. 
You see, my family is in a spiritual battle. A hard one. One that, at times, feels as if victory is impossible. 

For a brief moment, I wanted to hang on to it, to figure it out. To control it. To fight it in my own power or even allow the panic to consume me. I wanted to analyze it, think about it, and maybe strategize against it, but then the story of Elisha and his servant came to mind. 

His servant woke up surrounded by the enemy with no visible escape. Paralyzing fear seized him. But Elisha told him, the army who fights for us is greater than the army who fights for the enemy. Elisha prayed to the Lord that his servant’s eyes would be opened to see the vast army, and they were. He saw the Lord’s army surrounding them, ready to fight for them. Horses and chariots of fire standing ready to defend them. 

Whether we are aware of it or not, there is always a spiritual battle, either brewing or in the midst of an all out in war around us. Battle cries, we cannot hear; fighting, we cannot see. Swords clashing. Shields being thrown in front of us. Blows being blocked. Warrior angels stand at guard in front, behind, and on either side of us. They stand war-ready to protect us. 

With fear gripping so tight, the only thing I needed were my eyes opened. Now, I didn’t literally see these angels this morning, but God opened my heart for my faith to see them. And once I trusted God had sent His angels to protect me, the fear I felt lost its power over me. (Perfect love cast out fear.)

We all feel fear. Unfortunately, there is no way around it. But fear can be beaten. Our job is not to control the situation or fight the things we see, or even the people we think are responsible. 

Our job is to be warriors, prayer warriors. Our job is to KNOW who fights the battle and TRUST Him to fight it.

We need to “see” where our help comes from. 

“I look up to the hills, but where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let you be defeated. He who guards you never sleeps.”Psalms 121:1-3 NCV