anxiety, faith, fear, forgiveness

I Am Shaken But My Foundation Is Not

The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. Matthew 7:25

I received some unexpected news today. No, let me take that back, it wasn’t unexpected news, because I knew, at some point, this news would come. It was more unexpected timing. No matter how much I have tried to prepare my heart for this news, I was still shaken by it.

I am still shaken by it. 

You see, five years ago my sister was murdered, and today we got the call that the trial was set to move forward in a couple of months, on one of the two dates they had requested. Of course, there is a possibility this will change—we have learned nothing seems to be set in stone with the justice system as far as scheduling.

As much as I want to see justice for her, this news is packed with fear. How can we trudge through that excruciating time all over again? Memories brought forward. Testimonies spoken. Arguments given. Photos shown. All so the jury can make their decision. 

And my biggest fear: Will my faith be strong enough to cling to Jesus through this? I have failed before. Will I fail again? 

What if she doesn’t get the justice she deserves? Will I trust God if He says to me “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay”? Will I be ok if His vengeance looks different than what I would like it to look like?

I have forgiven the man who murdered her. And short of salvation, this has undoubtedly been the most supernatural work God has ever done in me. Without His grace, I would have never been able to walk out this type of forgiveness. But if things go unexpected in the trial and it doesn’t end the way I want, will I still offer that forgiveness? 

I desperately want to. I know the insurmountable freedom it has given me. I know deep in my heart my healing started the moment I decided to forgive this man. But will I be strong enough to continue?

I am shaken.

Like the scripture above, it was like the rain came down again, the flood waters rose over my head, and the wind blew with terrifying force, beating against me. Threatening to destroy everything God has done over this past year. 

“… yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.”

For me to not fall or fail, I must remember my Foundation on the rock. My Foundation is stronger than any raging storm. I will not be destroyed because my Foundation holds me in place.

Yes, I may be shaken, but my Foundation is not. 

My Foundation is my Peace, my Strength, my Defender, my Commander, and my Father. He is God Almighty. Ruler of all. Jehovah Rapha (the Lord who heals you).

I will have to take one day at a time. I cannot focus on the future outcome, but I can focus on my Foundation.

So when the wind blows, ripping pieces of my heart like shingles from the roof, when the waters rise, threatening to pull me under, I will cling to my unmovable Foundation.